I don't want to sound complainy, but lately I have been having a hard time with my role as stay-at-home mom. I do realize it's a blessing to be able to stay at home with my kids. When people hear that I used to teach first grade I get comments like, "wow, you must have a lot of patience." But truthfully raising my own children is the hardest job I've ever had. I find myself craving the success I had as a student and the title and recognition I had as a teacher. I even feel a little jealous at times (like yesterday) when Jared goes off to work/school where he is doing so well and getting so much recognition, while I clean a puddle of pee from a potty-training accident. Maybe that's why I keep searching for "more." Like if I could get on as a designer at a scrapbooking store, THEN I would be good. Or if I could be working on my master's right now too, THEN I would be good.
This weekend we had stake conference and it was amazing. Elder Cook (the apostle) and Elder Fibban (from the quorum of the seventy) came to speak. Elder Fibban (I'm sure I'm spelling this wrong, I need to go look it up) read an article that touched me and so I did a search and found it. It's about motherhood. Here's what it says:
"A woman named Emily renewing her driver’s license at the Transport office was asked by the clerk to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
“What I mean is,” explained the clerk, “do you have a job, or are you just a…?
“Of course I have a job,” snapped Emily. “I’m a Mum.”
“We don’t list ‘Mum’ as an occupation… ‘Housewife’ covers it,” said the clerk emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our local police station. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, “Official Interrogator” or “Town Registrar”.
“What is your occupation?” she probed. What made me say it, I do not know…
The words simply popped out.“I’m a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.”
The clerk paused, pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire!
“Might I ask,” said the clerk with new interest, “just what you do in your field?”
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, “I have a continuing programme of research, (what mother doesn’t), in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out).
I’m working for my Masters, (the whole bloody family), and already have four credits, (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.”
There was an increasing note of respect in the girl’s voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
When I got home, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants — ages 10, 7, and 3. Upstairs, I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby), in the child-development programme, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had triumphed over bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than “just another Mum.
Motherhood. . . What a glorious career! Especially when there’s a title on the door."
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8 comments:
I am so proud of you! Being a SAHM is a really hard job!!! You are a wonderful mom, and an amazingly talented woman! So keep you chin up, the Lord will bless you, and you will find happiness in your world! Good Luck, I voted for you!! :) You inspire us all!
I totally understand how you feel! I don't think you would be a normal mom if you didn't feel that way sometimes! I think you are on the right track with your digital scrapbooking- it's important to find something that you can feel proud of, outside of your kids and your home. It definitely helps a lot!
you made me cry, Pam!! I have been feeling the same lately; in fact, I've been seriously considering quitting my babysitting job (which, after all, is still "just" being a mom) and getting a "real" job at a shop somewhere (since we still need the income). But I found some peace today, and reading this post was just what I needed to help me out. thanks for your comments and insights - it's nice to know that I'm not alone... and you're not either!
Pam, I know you don't know me, but I happened to click on your link from Holly's page and this post caught my eye. I wonder if I'll continue to have these same feelings after four kids. I too often wish I could be teaching 1st grade again...for many of the same reasons. Thank you for sharing your feelings and that beautifully witty story. It makes me feel great!
I totally understand what you mean. It is a thankless job for sure. You are awesome. :) You amaze me with all you do. I am super sorry that you didn't get the design job, but you did so well. I honestly was SUPER surprised.
You are not alone in your feelings, Pam. I think every mother has the same feelings, whether they come out and say them or not. You're doing a fantastic job as a mom and there's nothing wrong with wanting a little "more" sometimes. I don't necessarily want anything committed, but I take on projects to help myself feel like I'm accomplishing more than "just" raising kids... even though that alone is the hardest job anyone can have. You know it's harder being home than it is teaching. Just think about the fact that Heavenly Father has entrusted two of His own children to you and it all seems a little more worth it.
Hi, You don't know me but I clicked here from Holly's blog. I am so glad I am not alone in how I feel, and your story helped me feel better about what I do! Thank you for posting about your feelings! I love your digitals- very beautiful. Thanks for sharing your feelings and I hope you don't mind my blog clicking!
Oh Pam, I so totally know how you feel and appreciate your expressed words and feelings. I often felt that way when I was a young mom. It's so hard, and we don't get the respect mothering deserves out in the world. I love, admire, and adore you for the loving way I have seen you love and care for some of the most precious children in the world, my grandchildren. And when they are older and you go back to teaching, you will have the wonderful blessing of no regrets, for we, as women, truly can "have it all," home, family, and profession. Just not all at the same time. I love you, Modd
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