But it's truth. And it's part of me. There are good days, and bad days.
AND I'M NOT DEALING VERY WELL WITH THIS.
Sometimes it's hard to have faith. Hard to believe that there is a reason for all of this. To not shout THIS IS NOT FAIR. It's hard not to ask WHY. Or be angry. And today it's hard for me to breathe. Because today the pain is suffocating.
I've flushed a third angel. I would have been 10 weeks. I would have shared my birth month with a little one.
And then I wonder, is this a punishment? I'm not grateful enough for the two I have? I complain too much? I have too many other interests, aspirations.
Today is not so good.
AND I'M NOT DEALING VERY WELL WITH THIS.
Sometimes it's hard to have faith. Hard to believe that there is a reason for all of this. To not shout THIS IS NOT FAIR. It's hard not to ask WHY. Or be angry. And today it's hard for me to breathe. Because today the pain is suffocating.
I've flushed a third angel. I would have been 10 weeks. I would have shared my birth month with a little one.
And then I wonder, is this a punishment? I'm not grateful enough for the two I have? I complain too much? I have too many other interests, aspirations.
Today is not so good.
Kit is Angels Among Us by Krystal Hartley
10 comments:
Oh Pam- I am SO very sorry to hear about your miscarriage! I can't even imagine how hard it must be to go through that pain- and more than once. I wish I was there to put my arms around you- but I guess this will have to do for now. You're right you do have two beautiful children to be grateful for, but that doesn't mean you can't mourn the loss of this baby too. Take care- and give yourself time to grieve.
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My heart aches for you. It's hard to understand why these things happen. I have some of these same feelings with my infertility....I always think "It's not fair". Sometimes I wish life were fair. Hang in there. I will keep you in my thougths and prayers.
I have way too much to say in a blog comment! Your post did remind me so much of the lesson I gave in Relief Society yesterday: "Stand Fast through the Storms of Life". I don't know if I have the right phone number for you, so email me with your number. I'd love to chat when you have time. I'm thinking of you and praying for you!
Pam, I'm sorry. I know the pain of a miscarriage, and even though it doesn't always help to know you're not alone, because the pain can be suffocating and terrible, I'm here if you want to talk about it. I know it isn't like we got to know each other fantastically well or anything before we moved, but I feel like we are friends and if you want to talk, I can listen.
Pam,
I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I hope you know it's okay to grieve the loss of your little loved one. That is so painful. I can imagine it's hard not to feel like you are being punished, but please have hope that things will work together for your good. President Monson in his conference talk quoted an author saying "Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities." I always feel better when I am hit with a "lack of abundance" when I focus on what I'm being blessed with abundantly at the same time. But that doesn't mean you can't also give yourself time to mourn. I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry Pam. It is a hard thing to deal with that dang infertility. I dare say I KNOW how you feel. :) I pray that you will be able to bring more children into this world. You are an amazing mommy. Sending you a big hug and ray of sunshine!! :)
Pam, you know I love you and am here for you anytime you need me. I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Jared during this difficult time.
Pam-I'm so sorry for your loss. We too had a miscarriage a few yrs back. It's comforting knowing you already have kids, but it still doesn't make it easier. I wish the best for you and your family.
It really isn't fair! I am so sorry Pam. I wish I could do more. I do think about you and do pray for you. These kind of moments are sure hard to handle. You are such a strong woman and a stellar mommy!
Pam, I'm so glad you came to visit and brought the kids, especially during this hard time. We love you so very much and are so pleased that you are part of our family. You didn't "flush an angel," but just a potential temporal container for one. The sweet angel is still around and, hopefully, will arrive just a little later, none the worse for wear.
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